Disorder...
I am distracted. I am overwhelmed. I am mentally exhausted. I am everywhere yet I am nowhere. I thought I was an optimist but am I?
One of the hardest things in life is to see your parents age and their deteriorating health. It's even harder when their illness is not curable; they fail to perform normal life activities and become fully dependent on others.
It's my mother-in-law who has moved in with us because she needs constant care. She was diagnosed with Parkinson's 15 years ago. Two years ago, she started showing signs of dementia, and in the last 2 months, her cognitive abilities have worsened a great deal. We will take her to the doctor in the coming week, but reading a dozen articles online and her behavior makes me think she's developed something like Lewy Body Dementia or Alzheimer's.
She recognizes us but her brain has stopped registering new information. It's dangerous to leave her alone and un-monitored even for a few minutes.
It's my first experience caring for someone other than my kids, and that too with a brain disorder, and to think she was once one of the most intelligent and smartest person in the family - it's just heartbreaking to see her constantly confused face.
Right now, we don't have any support. We have been constantly looking to hire a caregiver because it's not possible for us to sit at home all the time with the job, chores, kids, and simply because of life.
I'm positive that we will manage to arrange a viable domestic setup soon. But right now, I feel depressed at times in the chaos at home, thinking that we can't have a normal life again. But thanks to the kids who make our lives colorful, otherwise it's just difficult for all of us, including mother-in-law.
It's not easy to spend most of your time with someone who's already depressed and confused. She has the constant urge to wander around in a confused state and Parkinson's has reduced her motor skills to baby-like. This is a dangerous combination. Even today, she has fallen down 3 times. I know I will make an arrangement by hiring help but what about her? Will she be forever stuck in the weird loops her brain creates now? Will she keep falling and forgetting? Will she stop recognizing us eventually?
Seeing her in this condition makes me sad. I don't know how much it's affecting my husband because he's always been close to her being the youngest in the family. I used to think age is the biggest enemy of humans, but she's not even 70 yet. Though her disease is progressive and it's been over a decade, so this situation was inevitable.
I wonder how will I age? I'm not even in the middle-age bracket yet and I don't feel very energetic. My mother-in-law is a reminder for me to take care of my own health. I don't want to end up being dependent on anyone at any stage of life.
I didn't want to write about this here but this is all I can think about lately. This is what I'm going through. This is life right now - foggy.
I have nothing meaningful to comment here, I just want to express my support to you in this very difficult life situation! Indeed, no one knows how his life will end or what direction it will take. (My life is also an example of this.) In recent months I also often reflect on my life and on life and death in general, I feel horror at the situation I find myself in, but then I remember that there are people who are in a much worse situation than mine - namely, they are sick, and sick with a severe, incurable or very expensive disease, and this terrifies me even more.
I have friends with these diseases you talk about in the family, and I know what a challenge it is in general. The only solution is for the patient to enter a home for permanent medical care, or also if someone is found who will be by his side permanently.
Fingers crossed that things work out in the best possible way and that you don't lose heart!
I hope everything is okay with you besides unemployment which is itself a worrisome situation in these times of inflation. Life is indeed not a bed of roses, we all have our share of problems.
And yes, constant assitance and medical care is needed for such patients. That's what we are trying to do for her.
Thank you for your kind words. Things will hopefully get better with a helping hand.
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Oh... I've been in these shoes.
I watched both my parents get ill by cancer and loose their lives after struggle after many battles. My mother-in-law also had Parkinson's and dementia. It had been diagnosed a bit late and meanwhile a few people took advantage of her, as she was living in another city and we couldn't see her on a regular basis. Finding a good nurse to take care of her was the most difficult task and she didn't want to go to a hospice...
I've been asking that lethal question myself too and probably I will die of cancer too. To be honest, I prefer that than my country goes to war and I get mobilized and shot, or worse.
Of course, I'd prefer to die for for a meaningful cause but how our story ends is usually in the hands of the deities...
Here are my two cents, and a bit of a friendly advice, if I can. It will be extremely hard to watch her flame of life diminish but try to spend as much time with her, especially in the moments she is thinking clearly. Life goes on and on but the only thing I really regret is not spending more time with my parents...
Take good care of yourself :)
I am so sorry about your parents and wish you a long and healthy life.
War or peace, no one can escape death. Dying for a purpose is great too but I always wish for an easy demise and little suffering be it at the hand of an enemy or some fatal illness.
My mother-in-law wasn't living alone completely but yes, some people (helpers) did try to take advantage of her mental condition like stealing her possessions. Now that she's living with us, she's always surrounded by us. Sometimes it's me or husband and sometimes kids engage her in games like ludo and building blocks. She doesn't know what she's doing but it's better than being alone and tangled in her own confused thoughts.
Thank you for your wishes! From your mouth to God's ears, as we have a saying here :)
It is good that she isn't alone. Probably that's the best you could do, just be with her, as these aren't curable yet, unfortunately...
I really hope there is a special hell for people who take advantage of ill persons...
Have a great Sunday! :)
Thank you for your words.
Going off the topic...
Would you like teaming up with me for curation?
Oh, that's an interesting proposal. There's plenty on my plate already, I even can't find the time to post every day, as you can see, and I'll need more info about it before I decide :)
I won't bother you then because curation demands time. Simply put, you will have to spend every 3rd day reading and curating dozens of posts. It takes hours and sometimes whole day. If we get selected then this will be the routine for the next whole month.
Thank you, I understand. Please bother me though, especially if it is about something, related to photography. I am better with pictures than words, not to mention a profession for over a decade :)
Stunning pictures in all your posts scream 'professional.'
You can curate photography content but cannot limit yourself to it. Besides curation, there will be some more work like recording the curation details in a sheet and creating a report on your turn.
I will appreciate it if you decide soon. I will understand if you can't do it because of time constraints, but please only say yes if you are 100% sure of your availability because if you can't give enough time later on, then the whole team will be affected.
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Alzheimer's is a test. Old age is a test. Life is a test. Everything seems like a test at this point. I wish we'd learned this sooner. May Allah give us all shifaa and sabr.
A difficult test.
Ameen.
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I am just visiting your post for the first time and I must confess you are such a warrior, please don’t feel depressed do the best you can I know how draining it is, I was in a similar case like this few years back and right now I am so happy I was there for my dad through out that journey. I had to leave all what I was doing in the big city to stay with my aged parent because the burden was too much for my mum. I was everything to my parent their caregiver, nurse, doctor, cook , driver etc it was so exhausting that I felt like the whole world was against me. My dad had cardiovascular issues and needed serious checkups every week or 1 months. It was the most frustrating times of my life and I didn’t even have time for my own goals. Fast forward to last year 17th may my dad died in the hospital he also showed some signs of dementia and would look at one direction for long calling names of his Siglings who have died longtime ago, asking if we saw them. Please be strong I know how difficult it is, just endure the moment because a time will come they won’t be here long enough, you are a strong woman and please also try to take some rest if need be. Thank you for handling such responsibilities , God will surely reward you with help when you need one.
I learnt a lot from my dad’s condition that we should take our health seriously.
Hi mam, can we chat on Discord? Discord : jyoti-thelight#6650
Alright.