Attention All Funny People and Outsider Artists! Free Votes For Sale Here! Get Your Free Votes! For a Limited Time Only I Have Free Votes For Sale!

in #funny7 years ago (edited)

Have you heard? @NoNamesLeftToUse The Writer/Artist Himself has gone completely bonkers!

Free votes for sale!

Free votes for sale!

Free votes for sale!

NoNamesLeftToUse - I Vote You.jpeg

Have You Heard the News?

Free Votes for Sale!

Good afternoon, morning, evening, night, day to you Sir, Ma'am, It, These, Those and Them Over There.

My name is @NoNamesLeftToUse The Writer/Artist/Entertainer Himself!

Isn't that exciting!

I'm here today to announce something very special.

Please go back to the top and read all of the parts where it says, "Free votes for sale." This way, I won't have to write it all down again.

Thank you.

"But What's the Catch?"

"This sounds too good to be true!"

Why? Am I coming on too strong?

Should I tone it down a bit? Come down a few notches, perhaps? Simmer down, maybe? Chill the fuck out?

no.jpeg

I can't. You'll just have to deal with it.

There's No Catch Either!

...and how do you expect me to stay calm at a time like this!

I just jizzed in my pants!

I'll clean that up later though. It's time to get down to brass tacks here. We have work to do. Time to pull our socks up and get with the program. Time to get our heads in the game and keep our sticks on the ice.

So what the hell was I talking about...

Oh yeah!

If you were able to battle through that bit of chaos without rolling your eyes, sticking your nose up in the air, acting like your shit doesn't stink, thinking you're somehow above all this; you might be what I'm looking for. Did I use that semicolon correctly? Fuck I hate those things.

But I'm learning!

Are you learning?
Patience. If you think you have what it takes and you're interested in purchasing one of my free votes, you're going to need a lot of patience. An entire shit-ton of patience. That's some heavy-ass patience. You'll need to be able to lift it, then carry that shit around with you wherever you go. Don't drop it, ever. As soon as you bend down to pick it up...

Bow-chicka Wow Wow!

Your prison fantasy comes true.

Everything you just read was some strange form of free-writing combined with improvised comedy. If you think I actually put a lot of thought into that, you'd be mistaken and that's okay. We all make mistakes. Ask my mom. She'll tell you all about me... I mean, mistakes. Wait, no... never mind.

Just then, I added self-deprecation humor to the mix. Did you notice?

Do you have it in you to act as ridiculous as I am acting now, or maybe even push it further? If you can make me laugh, I'll let you buy one of my free votes.

Deal?

 
Also, I enjoy art. Maybe you've seen some of mine?

NoNamesLeftToUse - Spider Splat.jpeg
Spider Splat Spider Splat Does Whatever A Spider Splats

That one is brand spanking new! You've never seen it before. It's what happens when I think about what it would be like to be driving along one night, minding my own business, then all of a sudden... Splat! Spiderman, all over my windshield! Then I thought turning the wipers on and spraying it with a bit of bug juice might help but I was wrong.

Two more from awhile back.

Showtime.jpeg
Showtime

Choke the Chicken.jpeg
Choke the Chicken

Clearly, I'm an outsider artist. I appreciate a work of art more if it comes from someone who shares a similar background.

Outsider art is art by self-taught or naïve art makers. Typically, those labeled as outsider artists have little or no contact with the mainstream art world or art institutions. In many cases, their work is discovered only after their deaths. Often, outsider art illustrates extreme mental states, unconventional ideas, or elaborate fantasy worlds.

That's what Wikipedia has to say about outsider art.

It sounds like it was written by an insider to me!

I'm sitting here, working my ass off, trying to get noticed... and that explanation up there tells me to go kill myself instead!

Thanks Wikipedia!

Jerks!

I never liked labels anyway. I used to consider myself to be a free-thinker until I noticed there was an entire group of those too, and they were all thinking the same way.

Anyway.
If you only came here to purchase a free vote, there might be something wrong inside your head. Why would you purchase something that is free? A few screws loose, perhaps? Maybe a couple eggs short of an omelet? Who knows!

You're not wasting your time though.

I'm looking for people, like me. You can purchase my vote simply by putting in some time and effort into your blog, getting my attention, showing me something cool or making me laugh. If you can combine it all and be the proverbial one-man band like I'm attempting, my mind would be blown and you might even make a new friend!

Hooray for Boobies!

Oops, I meant buddies!

It breaks my heart to see some people actually purchasing votes. I'm willing to undercut all of those services.

Keep in mind, I certainly can't vote for everyone and all of the time.

If your work isn't original, you won't be seeing my vote.

I'm an established veteran here on the site. My vote is worthwhile, especially to you new, up-and-coming stars. I'm looking for new people to follow on a regular basis, but I can't see you if you're hiding. I can't see your talent if you've put it on the shelf for safekeeping while you attempt to follow the herd and write boring essays about the history of Bitcoin either.

That's all this was about.

Have a nice day!
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Warning: If, for some odd reason, you decide to send me money instead of actually reading this post, I cannot guarantee a refund. If you get a refund, the memo will say, "Idiot! Pay attention!" I insist you keep that for your records. Do not send money and expect a vote. This was designed to be humorous, and tagged accordingly.

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Credits:
All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me.
"Wait a minute. Does this fruitcake have booze in it!"
WhonamezuhStudio@gmail.com

© 2017 Two Insanity Productions. All rights reserved.
Follow @NoNamesLeftToUse
(Click the link for previous posts!)

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Hey there, I saw you advertising your free votes.... are you trying to rip me off?!

-0.5 steem is my final offer, take it or leave it! Haha.

Did you just waste your first post on Steemit coming here to talk to me?

No. Welcome to Steemit!

It's not like I have much better to do-- I just got here! I've never blogged in my life! Where do I go?!? WHAT DO I DO?!?!

I think I will just go around upvoting people and leaving smart-arse comments on their pages! Yes; this is my mission as a steemian. Bwahaha.

Hey! Be careful! You have a limited amount of voting power. Use it wisely!

It's not a terrible tactic. But yeah, keep yourself down to about 10 votes a day when you're new.

Come to me, if there is a desire.

Free votes???????????????????????????????//

The real question is does jizz freeze the moment it hits the cold air up there? haha

That's a good question! I'll be right back....

Science experiment.... here I come!

"The stroke of genius"

So, I'm not a very good scientist. I may have jumped to a few conclusions prematurely. I'm going to need more time.

I’m a self taught “outsider” artist. And i also make comics. Here is some of my art in a recent post . https://steemit.com/art/@dflo/art-an-eyeball-because-why-not. Also i just won third place for this contest, its a painting and a poem. https://steemit.com/artexplosion/@dflo/a-painting-and-a-poem. And here is a comic. Jut skip over the blog part I was working a very depressing job and was writing down the sad things . The sad things actually lead me to make the comic. Which is kind of how it works sometimes : https://steemit.com/life/@dflo/friday-in-the-mall-creative-nonfiction-and-a-comic

Excellent! I see a lot of potential there. You just started, this month. You're from Montana. I'm from Saskatchewan. Is it -40 there as well?

I want to talk about the parts you told me to skip over :)

I didn't skip over them. You're a self taught outsider artist. You have a knack for learning on your own. This does not scare you. That is good.

I looked at those three links, as well as a few others. I dropped a couple of presents on the ground. Nothing much, it's a start. I'm not a whale. Since I can't make you rich, today, with a couple of votes; I'm going to offer some advice that should help you see more than just my votes in the future.

Formatting. Since you can learn on your own, I'd like you to follow these steps.

https://steemd.com/funny/@nonameslefttouse/attention-all-funny-people-and-outsider-artists-free-votes-for-sale-here-get-your-free-votes-for-a-limited-time-only-i-have-free

That is a link to THIS POST of mine. The only difference is: instead of "steemit", is says steemd. You see that? Good!

When you arrive on that site, you'll notice my post is there, but it's the editor version. Click on that box, it will expand so you can see the entire contents. I'd like you to look at my post here, as it is in it's finished form, then flip over to the editor version(use two tabs) and compare what you see. When you look at my finished product here and wonder, "How the hell did he do that?"... You'll see the codes that make it all happen.

You can then play around with what you learn in your own editor. Good times!

Adding that polished look goes a long way around here. All that fancy mumbo jumbo that makes the magic happen is something I also taught myself.

Enjoy!

Thanks so much for your thoughtful reply! Formatting is one of my next goals for Steemit.. Thanks for this very helpful start, I will make it my to-do for this weekend, since it is late at night now as I read this! I haven’t seen this before so this is an awesome lead to get going on it. And you are right, I am comfy teaching myself! :). I really appreciate this! Have a wonderful day/evening/whatever time it is where you are !

There is a handy MarkDown Tutorial to learn a little more, and if you are visual, and as an artist it's pretty safe to say you are, There are TWO editors I use for my posts. SteemStyle.com and Dillinger.io. I don't connect any other services to them, and I do not put anything into them that may be sensitive (like passwords, etc), but they may prove useful in you new journey.

Best of wishes in 2018!

Thanks I am more visual, and I will check these out. Best wishes to you, too!

OH MY GOSH THIS WAS LIKE NINE HUNDRED STEEMIT YEARS AGO!!!! I vaguely remembered the free votes post when you mentioned it, and now that I see it , i totally remember! I forgot who showed me the formatting tricks !! I was just too new back then and was cramming so many details in my mind (which is missing, as you know), and so I forgot your name... which, how could i forget. I have seen you around but did not associate you with this wonderful early help you gave me. Oh, wait. I'm gonna continue this comment on your new post.

I have some funny things down my line, but I try to keep the straight face, that is that I don't cringe to much on my inner self.
Life would be boring without a few moments of pure nasty.
Keep Steemin' funny!

I'll try to keep doing the funny, but it's not as easy as it looks! Some days are dark. Some days I'll just tell a story. Some days I don't even know what the hell I was thinking when I produced that weird mess of a post.

And just to clear things up. I don't have a problem with any of the content people produce here. Different strokes for different folks. We all have our flavor. So what if I think some bitcoin essays are boring. Some other stuff about Bitcoin taught me one hell of a lot of things I needed to know. The teachers teach, the scientists science, the bowlers bowl, the funny people funny. There's a place for everyone here.

Brilliant, I tell you! BRIL-LI-ANT!

You like that one! I'm still waiting, feeling hopeful. I'd really like to start selling these free votes to those who read the fine print. They're free now to do what they've always wanted to do, whoever they are.

At the moment I only have a partial shit-ton of patience, not an entire shit-ton, but I'll be back later when I've acquired an entirety and the strength to carry it around. In the meantime, will you take a rain check on those free votes? I'd like a million.

P.S. Labels are dumb, Wikipedia is basically just self-taught encyclopedia, and please don't kill yourself because your outsider art is very cool.

If you would like to purchase a free trailer to help carry that around, that can be arranged.

I'm wondering if a partial shit-ton would be called a Shitoshi? Once you have enough Shitoshis, we'll talk.

There won't be any rain checks. I looked outside earlier and it was sunny, snow on the ground, and -47 °C. I don't think I'll need to check for rain again until spring.

Yes, I believe Shitoshi is the correct unit for measuring a partial shit-ton. I only have a few thousand Shitoshis right now so it will be awhile before I'm 100% patient.

I'd accept your offer to purchase a free trailer but I suspect the ones you have for sale won't thaw out until April or May, so I think I'll shop around and see what I can find. Thanks though.

I don't know what you're talking about. I just pulled the damn free trailer for sale over to your blog and dropped it off for you. Do you lift, bro?

I enjoy photography as well, sometimes. When I see stupid shit like, "I was too lazy to look it up," I like it more. I see some potential here. You have a sense of humor and a means of producing your own images. It's a deadly combo!

Sweet, a free trailer I didn't have to pay for! Can I hire you for free to carry my Shitoshis around?

Also, in all seriousness, thanks for the comments and the upvotes. I'm glad you liked my stupid shit potential. It appears that you just bumped me up into rep 42 territory, which I've really been anticipating because now I can write a blog about The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything (in between all my boring essays about the history of Bitcoin, of course). I'm not sure why I enjoy meaningless milestones like this but I do.

I know a guy who knows a guy's cousin's friend's sister's mom's boyfriend's son. He's pretty good a lugging shitoshis around. Pushes shopping carts for a living.

In all seriousness returned. It was my pleasure. I'm sorry that it couldn't be more.

No milestone is meaningless. Without them, we'd be lost. Something like that.

Have a good day!

I don't even know what "jizzed in my pants" means.
I am being patient, very patient.
OMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
OOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

I'm not sure I want to be the one to teach you about such things!

Bow-chicka Wow Wow

Oh yeah! Two can play at this game!

I used to looove Jackass! Partyboy was the greatest, but so was the skit when they would dress up like football players and tackle the shit outta each other in stores!
I love Viva la Bam, too - almost cried when I heard that Ryan Dunn died...

I'm a huge fan of what they managed to accomplish by being IDIOTS! Just think about how popular that was. Look around, look closely.

It's a fantastic business model if you ask me!

Hahaha Very true. Not only a fantastic business model, but also a very closely immulated model in most aspects of the world. ;)

Made this special for you.

What is it? I can't seem to find it anywhere.

Well I still don't know how much you want for these free votes but I'll let you have this Seal of Quality and then maybe you can tell me.

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